Katherine
Sometimes I’m talking to someone and an interaction we’ve had in the past resurfaces in my mind and makes me uncomfortable. Like last year, this one girl asked me if I liked boys. I wasn’t quite sure how she meant it, so I quickly replied yes, of course. She then expanded by asking me if I got crushes. She said it didn’t seem like I did. She said that she had just been thinking about it and had decided that I wasn’t the type to date or get married. I didn’t know what to say. Should I have defended myself? Did I even need to?
At that point I just felt self-conscious. In my real-life super-girly and more-than-slightly-embarrassing diary I wrote down, “Did she think I was too immature? Too annoying? Too plain or boring? I want a burrito.” I was angry that she would feel the need to tell me that. I was just innocently sitting in the hallway, studying for a test, when she came up to me and was all, I’M ABOUT TO CHIP AWAY SOME OF YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE. I think that in a weird way she meant well, but still. For us perpetually self-conch kids, everything chips away at your self-confidence. (Wah-wah.) I also still really want a burrito and I haven’t gotten one yet. Also, over-analysis is fun, right?
This was just one random interaction, but it still makes me kind of mad. Why is marriage such an expectation when we’re still in high school? And why was she making it sound like it was a pity and a shame that I just may not be the type to get married? My parents do this, too. Every couple of conversations they’ll be like, “When you get married, you will learn X or Y fact and thank us to for forcing you to do X or Y thing that you resent us for now.” Be patient, people. I am 17 years old. I am still in high school. I haven’t even been to a school dance with a real date. CHILL ERRBODY. ♦
This is really great. ILUUUUU KATHERINE! and I want a burrito too.
http://under-a-bridge.blogspot.com/
Log in to replyYou know I’ve actually always wondered what it would be like to be a priests kid.
Log in to replyThank you! http://marieljuniperberry.blogspot.com/
Burritos. I can relate to this. :)
Log in to replySo I know this isn’t the most appropriate venue to express this matter…but is anyone freaking out that the entire Marc Jacobs S/S 12 was just SWIPED from a train?
Log in to replyWhoa, seriously?
Log in to replyMid-tranfer from London to Paris it just vanished! They had to cancel any future press regarding the collection because there was nothing to show! 46 outfits. Gone. It’s like taking the Mona Lisa then WEARING IT.
Log in to replyAww, Katherine! That sounds terrible! But don’t let it get to you; she’s obviously not so confident herself if one of her main values is marrying someone else.
Ruby
Log in to replytherubylotus.wordpress.com
I have to say as a 24-year-old the marriage pressure only gets worse. At 17 I could not have been less fussed about marriage, although some of my associates were. Now I am 24 and recently dumped (what an awful word), I feel “on the shelf” and left behind my friends who are engaged or already legally bound. I am in terror of being “too old”… Too old for what though?
There is so much pressure for relationships to “go somewhere” and this is propagated by almost everyone I know my age. I don’t even know what my own, true, views on marriage and relationships are anymore because I feel swept along by these expectations.
Other people’s behaviour like that which you experienced never stops either. Well, not up to the age of 24!
I hope you can detach and not internalise these beliefs. I was rejected and alone and “a freak” for most of secondary (high) school and although I am okay with my individualism now, the fact that no-one else seemed to be okay with it has left me with some very troubling low self-esteem. Which seems to lead to bad boyfriend choices, difficulty in relationships, rejection, being alone and feeling like “a freak”. Who will never get married. Vicious cycle.
Log in to replyNaomi’s article was fantastic, it’s heartwarming to hear about a pro-lgbt vicar who thinks his kids have the right to decide their beliefs for themselves. There are all the horrifying stories about religious anti gay programs and the like and it’s uplifting to hear about someone who combines religion with tolerance. Not trying to be stereotypical or critical here, I’m sure that there are a number of Christians are open and accepting of lgbt, but you don’t hear about them as much. Or maybe the majority aren’t accepting, I’m not really sure. Anyways.
Log in to replyHe sounds like a great guy.
i completely understand what you’re saying. i think it is a lot different in the uk than the usa actually. and also, you don’t tend to hear about it as often really, as with most good things!
Log in to replyIt’s great to have such a great man be your father. I always love Naomi’s articles!!!!
Log in to replythank you!!!! and yes, he is a great great man
Log in to replyi have been slowly totting up the similarities (midlands, countryside, music) but the vicar-dad connection has finally got me. Rookie-sister, we are as one. Love your writing and would love to send you a copy of my old perzine with a cool priest-pa article in it x message back if yah x
Log in to replySomeone once told me that I am the type of person who will never date or get married, and I will only attract weirdos. That comment seriously lowered any self confidence I might have had. It hurt even more because I considered this girl to be my friend. I should say though that I stood up for myself and called her a jerk for saying that. Also this girl and I are no longer friends; I decided that she is not a nice person and I don’t need her.
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