Naomi
I am so sick of my own egocentricity. The fact that I think I’m the centre of the world is the reason it spins out of control. I heard a friend to my left cough in class, a rusty bell ringing in the fog. He felt very far away, and in that tiny part of my brain that wasn’t panicking, I wondered how he could just sit there and not be swimming in intense, unwelcome thoughts. I was incapable of imagining feeling anything different from what I was feeling at that moment, even though I have been where I assume he was: in the clear. I’m not as accustomed to panic as I once was, when it used to arrive like clockwork.
I used to feel a terrible rush almost every time I went to class at my old school. Not a rush of life and excitement and love, but one that convinced me that the world was ending.
I thought these attacks were in the past. I don’t want that terror to find a new home.
I took a detour after school so I could refresh my senses and walk off my nerves. I wanted to feel calm again, like white linen hanging in the breeze. I finally felt tranquility once I reached the park swing and surveyed the desolate greenery around me. I’ve decided the park is my favourite place. ♦
These diaries are always so insightful and lovely.
Rabbitandthewomp.blogspot.com
Log in to replyI think it’s great that you are mourning/celebrating the existence of Sylvia Plath, especially in the way of writing letters <3
Log in to replyeverything katherine writes resonates with me
Log in to replyNaomi, I completely know how you feel. You described it so well. Going back to nature when you are feeling down always helps me too.
Log in to replyAnd Britney, writing letters to Sylvia Plath is such a good idea. I may even steal the idea and write letters to my idol/spirit guide Anais Nin.
I always love reading the diaries. They are always so honest and reeeal (and secretly (not anymore) wish I got to submit my own entries..).
I love Anais Nin! Go for it!
Log in to replyBRITNEY <3 I relate.
Log in to replyHey there, fellow Sylvia admirer! <3
Log in to replySo honest and poignant. I am constantly impressed and comforted by these diary entries.
http://femmefutures.blogspot.ca/
Log in to replyKatherine, I feel like you are describing my life every week. I absolutely hate going to a busy dining hall, I’ve started eating lunch really early or late so that I can sit alone in peace! Sometimes I feel like I’m doing college all wrong, because I’m not connecting with people here. I’m really involved on campus, but I don’t feel like I’ve found my niche. It’s nice to know that someone else is going through the same things!
Log in to replyWHERE DID NANDI GO???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Log in to replyUnfortunately, Nandi is no longer writing for Rookie. This will explain in a little more depth:
http://rookiemag.com/2013/01/january-23-2013/
Log in to replykatherine, your entries continue to describe my life. a few days ago I was eating lunch alone and someone I know saw me and came and sat next to me. it was nice of them but I really did want to talk. so I said I had to go and fucking walked to another cafeteria and got more food and finished lunch alone there. Great Moments in Reclusiveness
britney, that is such a good idea. maybe I should start writing letters to… I don’t know who. probably someone in one of the punk bands I listen to feel more powerful. maybe it would help me stop caring so much about what other people think that I do shit like hide from people who might be my friend if I’d give them more of a chance.
Log in to reply@Britney, I’m reading The Bell Jar right now and I’m loving it! I need to read some of her poems. I’m going on a (mini) road trip this weekend so maybe I will write to her then too.
http://lizard-on-a-window-pane.tumblr.com
Log in to reply“People were pressed together like slices of cheese separated by the thin wax paper of their clothing” OMG yes Katherine
Log in to replyKatherine… Dude I feel the same. I don’t really connect with anyone at college. It makes me lonely and upset and anxious and unsure of myself.
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